Reading this book before marriage opened my eyes to a lot of things and i got better understanding about so many things. i’ll just go straight into it,
1. That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage.A successful marriage requires work, lots of work actually and it’s not enough to know that marriage requires work , you need to do the work!.
2. That romantic love has 2 stages :
- the one that comes easy because we’re in love, the “euphoric feeling” ,
- the second stage requires work, finding each others love language.
- —Words of Affirmation- Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
- —Acts of service- Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
- —Receiving gifts- Gifting is symbolic of love and affection
- —Quality time- Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
- —Physical touch- It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
You need to learn how to show love the way your partner knows how to receive love, not the way you know how to give love. Don’t do for your partner what makes you feel loved, do for your partner what makes them feel loved!
3. That the saying “like mother like daughter” and “like father like son” is not a myth.
This is absolutely true, ask questions, watch out for their parents traits, what you see now might be your spouse when they are that age.
4. How to solve disagreements without arguing — cultivating the act of listening to the other persons opinion and then stating yours.
- meeting in the middle
- meeting on your side
- meeting later
Find out which works depending on the issue but most importantly communicate like you know and believe that you’re on the same team.
5. That Apologizing is a sign of strength. It takes a strong person to admit that they are wrong and apologize. It takes a stronger person to apologize even when they’re not at fault.
6. That forgiveness is not a feeling
- forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision
- forgiveness does not destroy our memory
- forgiveness does not remove consequences of wrong behavior
- forgiveness does not rebuild trust
- forgiveness doesn’t always result in reconciliation
- learn how to forgive & accept apology.
7. That toilets are not self cleansing
- Who’s going to do what after marriage(marital roles). Define your roles and know what can be done by either of you.
8. That you need a plan for handling your money– who keeps the records?
You need to have a saving plan, spending plan, giving plan etc, you might not be limited to this but it would serve as a guide.
Have a family budget in different areas of your lives.
9. That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic
- men focus on intercourse while women focus on relationship
- for the woman foreplay is more important than intercourse itself
- mutual sexual satisfaction does not require simultaneous climax
- one does not force a particular sexual act upon one’s spouse
- sex is more than intercourse
- that communication is the key that unlocks sexual fulfillment
- the past never remains in the past
10. That I was marrying into a family
• learning to listen
• learning to negotiate(making requests and not demands)
• learning their love language
Get to know your partner’s family because you’re marrying into a family.
11. Spirituality is not to be equated with “going to church ”
•what is their level of commitment and involvement in the Christian community
•how important is their faith to them and what’s its impact on their personal life
Ask questions, watch and pray.
12. That personality profoundly influences behavior.
• am I am morning person or a night person ?
• is my spouse a morning person or night person?
I hope this has blessed you, please not only digest this but put them to action. It’s not about what you know but what you achieve with the knowledge.
Thank you!